an intro to the intro at the place that is a very good beginning — somewhere close to the start….
about a month ago two very different men said almost exactly the same thing to me.
the one: ‘if we’re going to do this, you’re going to have to trust me.’ the other: ‘you’re going to have to learn to start trusting me.’
the former is Master D. the latter is the VUP. the former is a near-stranger Dominant who was suggesting a month-long play to teach me the ways of a D/s relationship; the latter, a near-stranger married man with whom i was considering entering into an affair with.
i decided to trust the former, based on gut. the latter, the VUP, i decided not to trust, based on self-preservation. (actually, this self-preservation thing is a whittled version of my reasoning. when trust is a wild card used within a game that has no rules its value becomes meaningless.)
Both Master D and the VUP are fundamentally changing the way i engage with relationships … or at least, how i engage with what believe i want from a partner/s. even now that the relationship, such as it was, with the VUP is over (in theory; in practice i still find myself twitter stalking), it’s become the base of some revealing questions being posed to me by morla and, curiously, in a bizarre twist of tasked orgasm, by Master D.
you know, there has been so much going on that i actually don’t know where to start. as i
slurred told Madame Pushkin last night, when people ask me what i feel when i bare all the details of my private life, i always think to myself: just imagine all the shit i don’t write about.
it’s been a year so far of fine balances, of calculated risks, edges, moralities and questions of self i never actually thought i would have the courage to explore. still, i am surprised and made curious that through one small sms exchange between Master D and myself, the conversation about what i want and how i want it has found its present context with him and the VUP.
anyway. i want to tell you about this and know some of you are not going to like what i have to say. especially when it comes to the VUP. but i don’t care. it’s my site and i’ll blog what i want to (apart from real names and blood types).
so i’ll be blogging something each day until we’re caught up.