the dot spot

i found this postsecret interesting because it really reminds me how unkind we can be to those that are supposed to be the ones we care the most about.

i read this book called the 5 love languages a week or so back, and while i thought there was a lot of dated (and unhealthy) cheese to wade through, there was also a lot of value in the basic message, which is that each of us has our own way of expressing love: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch.

so, basically, if your ‘love language’ is words of affirmation, you’ll say lovely things and like to hear affirming, validating things from your lover. if it’s acts of service, you’ll express your love by doing things for your partner, like making dinner or fixing broken things, and you’ll most likely understand love if it’s expressed as acts of service.

what the author believes is that in order for both partners to be happy, they have to understand each other’s love language (although it’s not like we just have one, there’s usually a predominant one or two and these are the ones we should understand).

while i certainly don’t believe it’s all that simple, i can totally get jiggy with the surface theory.

i took this test and it turns out my primary ‘languages’ are quality time and physical touch. assuming i’m in a relationship (of any level really), if i don’t feel enough of either, i pretty much go into defence mode and shut down. or attack mode and become mean and distancing.

*sigh*… so many issues.

anyway.

i went out with a guy once who was a big words and gifts kinda guy. after months of the relationship falling apart, the major break came for him when i told him he’d been acting like a cunt.

we’d never used nasty language in any of our fights and, hell, could we fight – big, shouting, electric, public verbal parries in markets, on scooters, in alleyways, shops … christ, anywhere, though made easier cos we were in taiwan and no one could understand us. i swear our neighbours thought we were the craziest waiguorens they’d ever seen/heard … it was actually quite a healthy relationship in retrospect.

so. yes. no matter how we fought, we were never rude to each other. we’d swear, but not at each other. there was no name calling.

he was a word person  and would write all the most lovely things to me and give me the most thoughtful gifts with the most wonderful letters and poems and drawings … towards the end though, there was less physical intimacy and less quality time … i stopped talking back and he stopped being there. that was the final straw(s) for me. for him, the word ‘cunt’.

do you see a big laughing clown face in this, cos i do and i need to know if this is something i need to discuss with morla

whatever your ‘language’ is though, i think most relationships could do with a little more niceness, more kindness, a little more verbal loving and gentleness.

if your mate looks shit in something, there are better ways than saying she or he looks stupid. you don’t need to be cruel to be kind, don’t you think?

what’s your love language? check it out here [clickety click] and let me know what your language is :)

and for more postsecrets [clickety click].

check you laters plums
dot
xx