Otherwise titled: A Meepish, Boring Post About Why Next Week Is Going To Be Awesome Simply For Not Being This Past Week.
i don’t care if this title and post is not SEO compatible with a million hits. this past week has sucked and you should know that. it’s sucked because i’ve said yes to doing something i’ve started to hate. it sucked because i learnt what lying, cuntish douchebags some ‘top bloggers’ are (or let’s just say, it was confirmed). it’s sucked because it’s been cold and the cold got into my head and made me ill. it sucked because i got my period and i got all weep-like and psycho at the same time. it sucked because i had a one night stand last week without protection that had me freaking about stds the whole fucking week. it sucked because i had dinner with Master D and m that made me upset and uncomfortable and call off all play. it sucked because every plan i made was unmade. it sucked because it just sucked. because i have so much on my list of Things to Do and all i really want to do is lie on the cushions in front of a fire, naked and warm with someone yummy and dissolve into feeling. possibly just rahasya because i don’t need words in his space. it sucked because it dawned on me this week that i might not know how to fuck normally anymore. it sucked because i realised the last truly awesome actual, connecting sex i had was over a year ago with mr hardman (a truly, TRULY depressing thought). it sucked because i’m intensely disapproving of winter and being freezing. it sucked because of people who blow hot and cold; because of crossing limits i don’t understand with people i barely know. it sucked because i’m still trying for connection with the VUP. which sucks because it’s so ultimately pointless. it sucked because validation still makes me happy and feel more secure. it sucked because i don’t know when to shut my mouth. or open it. it sucked because i just want to find a reset button without losing everything i’ve gained. it sucked because the whole week felt like i was grasping at straws and drowning in the process.
you know what i’ve learnt this past week? that some information is better than nothing, but sometimes nothing is best.
I read this and thought, she needs a hug desperately. Then I thought, i’ll give her a hug. But that is kinda an invasion of personal space and more than a little awkward. So instead, I shall just say, the universe owes you a hug.
July 8, 2012 at 11:06 pm
hahahaha – it must’ve worked cos i woke up today and everything was awesome. amazing what a solid whine can do :)
July 9, 2012 at 10:47 am
*lavishes you with chocolate, hot water bottles, fluffy duvets and huggins*
oh, and marshmallows.
I gotta tell you, dot…I’m getting the same feeling (sans the obviously feminine troubles you pointed out, because that would be weird in a guy). I definitely need some downtime and awaytime
= (
July 9, 2012 at 7:47 am
also, you got mail!
July 9, 2012 at 8:05 am
it’s time for that weekend away. you realise i have a car also you know?
July 9, 2012 at 10:47 am
let me know when, and I’ll organise.
and I’ll burn some roadtrip CDs
July 9, 2012 at 11:27 am
D,
i think it was chicago who sang “everybody needs a little time away…” maybe ur just getting too involved and need to step back so u can get perspective again. maybe u been in the trenches too long..(excuse the pun)
spend some time in the forest.. go back to nature.. connect with ur animal guide and see what happens.
come past for a bearhug.
Le Bear
July 9, 2012 at 9:50 am
le bear
you are wise and kind. i don’t know how to step away. it is not in my nature. but i see and agree that is where i need to go more. my animal guide is a shapeshifter and is currently in the form of a stoat, which is apparently, says wiki, the symbol of virginity, purity and/or royalty… which is not what i am feeling at all, identifying more with small, whiskery, snouty and generally insignificant
x
July 9, 2012 at 10:46 am
This doom and gloom’ness seems to be going around.I think its the weather…
Perhaps you need a long dose of wooosaaaaaaaaa. Whatever that is for you.
I would give you more advice but that would be like telling a baker how to bake.
July 9, 2012 at 1:32 pm
LOL that’s quite a compliment x
July 9, 2012 at 11:10 pm
Im going to save this link and read it when im totally and utterly pissed off, because its everything i would love to say. And in public. Going through my own personal shit and its wonderful that im not the only one….i just love love your blog Dot xx
July 9, 2012 at 7:33 pm
hello darling – i’m glad you found some resonance – it’s always nice to know you’re not alone :) saying that though i hope what you’re going through isn’t too kak. take care x
July 9, 2012 at 11:10 pm
Christ! It’s like you just read my mind! I have been totally aggressive lately, and its all because of lazy, irresponsible (what did you call them?) douchebag cunts?
It’s like we run on parallel universes.. Except you have a lovely mountain.
July 23, 2012 at 12:28 pm